Impoverished Treharris Alcoholics Turn to Strange Brew

Mr Greens fine brew

A man in Treharris is now selling a new category of so-called substitute drinks from out of his garage.

The chemical cocktails that Mr Green has patented, and is selling as an alternative to traditional drink, has emerged as the fastest growing segment of Treharris’ alcoholic beverage market.

Some of the concoctions sold include cologne, wood glue, varnish, boot dubbing, de-icer and anti-freeze. To add to their appeal the drinks are normally presented in a wine glass with a cheesy wotsit on top.

Pub owners in the area say they are losing market share to Mr Green as Treharris improvished drinkers embrace cheap, strong but dangerous spirits.

One addict told Chucky Morris – “Bollocks to SA – skull attack…. You haven’t tasted anything like a double dose of furniture polish, a dash of wood glue and soda water. It’s deadly…. It actually killed my brother last week….but i finished his pint off…he was a pussy”

But on further investigation the rag also found out that there were many other side-effects (other than killing people) like Rotten teeth, dead eyes, bad heads, violent behaviour and wanting to become a councillor.

Councillor Clive from Treharris told us “What people forget was that people down here were like that before Mr Green opened his garage. I think it’s all been exaggerated out of all portion. I love his bath perfume and lime twister…I’m anyone’s after two of them”